Behind Every Great Man...

I know what you're thinking. "Oh great. He's writing again. I bet he's been hanging out in one of those creepy cemeteries again."

And you'd be right. I've probably spent too much time in cemeteries lately and it looks like there's more in store. I'm cool with it because so many of the people that I find interesting are dead.

My mom says it's because I have an old soul.

But you're in luck. That's not what this post is about. This post is about life and one of the most important lessons I've learned in life. I didn't learn it in school. I didn't learn it from a book or a documentary or a battlefield tour or a museum.

I learned it from life.

A few weeks ago, I was part of a discussion with a young man who was explaining a recent break-up. The girl is beautiful and we discussed what a great personality she had. We talked about how many guys would love to date the young lady. We might have even questioned his judgement just a bit but then conceded that he was the one that had to live with the decision, either way. He told us that the biggest cause for the relationship's demise was the fact that they were "too good as friends to be involved in that way."

Hmm.

Now, I'm a guy. My friends are guys. Some are coworkers and some I met in college. I met some at church and some I met online. I'm blessed to have two that have known me about as long as I've known myself - so much so that I just think of them as two of my brothers. It's good to have these friendships as the world can be a cruel, lonely place. A friend is someone that you can disagree with, argue with, fight and even, at times, say some of the worst things imaginable. But then it passes. you're both still there. For me, a friend is someone that you know you can count on no matter what. Thick and thin, good and bad, friends are there.

Over the last 16 years, give or take, I have learned that my best friend is not a guy. She lives at my house. My kids look a little like her. We've been through thin and bad and dark and scary and even a little bit of miserable. That's not to say that there hasn't been good times. We have had some very good times but we've had a least our share of challenges. And what we have learned from that is that we can count on each other.

It's not thought to be very masculine for a guy to speak of his wife that way. We are supposed to think that women are attractive and beautiful and nice and fun to touch but they get on our nerves and we don't want the rest of the guys to think we like them all that much. I guess that even while we re staring 40 in the face we still fear catching cooties or something. But I've reached a point in my life that as I look at the years ahead and know what challenges lie before me (as well as wonder about those which I don't know about) and the prospect of old age that I have one person in my corner, in my foxhole, at me side.

Looking at history we see men that thought similarly about their mates like Robert Toombs, John Adams, Ronald Reagan and "Stonewall" Jackson. Even George Burns was missing something without Gracie by his side. I've seen lesser known men go through the loss of their spouse and the agony is causes. I've seen men with wives fighting horrible ailments and what it does to them. We act tough but, deep down, we know the truth. When you find the right one, it's right.

All of these men went through their own struggles, fought their own demons, had their own faults and shortcomings but they they had their best friend for a pat on the back, a hand to hold or a letter from home at the right moment. They found themselves involved in violent battles, travelling in far distant lands, exiled due to unfortunate political arrangements. When they were old, blind and sick, having their minds and bodies ravaged by cruel and torturous illnesses, their lifelong companions were there, by their side "until death do us part". And if their wife preceded them in death, nothing on this planet was ever completely right again.

That's why you marry your best friend.

So back to the youngster. I started to speak to him, to try to talk some sense in him but I remembered what I was taught about singing lessons for pigs and just decided to let it go. The poor guy will learn the lesson like I did. He'll be ok.

As for me, if I'm facing down the British Redcoats, marauding Yankees, a tough audience or a towering inferno, I'm glad to know that I have my version of Julia, Abigail, Nancy, Mary Anna or yes, even Gracie and if the day comes that we're too old or feeble for the type of relationship the youngster is looking for, that we'll still laugh together, cry together and love each other as ever and that we'll still have each other.

And that's what's important.

"Un-"

Rows of gravestones lie silent in the Confederate section of Myrtle Hill Cemetery. They're not all Confederate markers. This is one of those rare locations where soldiers from both sides are buried together, their final resting places as tightly mingled as their dying breaths.

Standing amongst the rows is a hardwood tree (an oak, if my memory serves me correctly) that is gradually consuming one of the tombstones. At present, the only part of the inscription that remains visible is "UN". Now, to the casual passerby, this inscription might suggest that the occupant might have been named Unther or that he hailed from Unadilla, GA or maybe even that he served in the Union Army. But to people familiar with military cemeteries and history "UN" is the beginning of only one word. "UNKNOWN".

How ironic. Lying in a historic section of a NRHP registered cemetery is a fallen soldier, known only to God, whose lone memorial is being consumed with the passage of time.

Who was this man? Union or Confederate? Artillery, infantry or cavalry? Officer or enlisted? Race? Religion? Level of education? Who were his parents? did he have a wife or children? How did he meet his awful fate? How old was he? Any identifier, other than to suggest that he's not identifiable, has been consumed by the constant growth of the tree.

And time progresses.

Why is the consumption of a 150 year old grave important? Without getting into cliches about repeating forgotten histories let me say it's very important. This grave is a microcosm of our time. History is disappearing with time. There are many trees eating many headstones but one tree concerns me more than the others.

The tree of political correctness is eating our history at an alarming rate. The removal of Confederate flags from the Confederate Memorial Park and Chapel on Richmond, VA, the changing of the mascot at the University of Mississippi, the discontinuance of "Dixie" by marching bands throughout the South and even the planned renaming of Memphis' Forrest Park - including the exhumation of General Forrest and his wife - are the bark on the progressing trunk. And as history continues to be removed from public view, we will forget and then...well...I promised no clichés.

Why is this happening? What kind of person would do this?

Much of it is ignorance. 150 years of the victor's history has led people to have deplorable knowledge of factual history. Most people today have no knowledge of Nathan Bedford Forrest outside of a comical mention in the opening scenes of Forrest Gump. If you think 1)that he started the KKK or 2) that the Klan was his major contribution to society, then a trip to the library is recommended. NEITHER of these are true.

That being said, there is good and bad on both sides of history. Forrest was not exactly a Girl Scout. But also, as bad as Barack Obama has been, he made it to his second term without razing a single American city. The same cannot be said for the saintly Mr. Lincoln.

Good and bad. Give and take. Shades of gray reenact the entire, stinky, bloody drama that culminated in 600,000 dead combatants and who knows how many civilians. Staggering levels of property damage. Orphans. Widows.

Who were the good guys? Who were the bad guys? The only quick answer to these questions can be "yes" because an honest answer depends on too many other questions. Questions that are gradually being obscured by apathy and ignorance.

Who was he? Who knows? Who cares?

So I come to this. The story of our unknown friend hinges on us. He's already forgotten to history. One day the las speck of stone will slip into the bark, forever obscured and then even this inadequate reminder of someone's son will be gone.

I leave you a borrowed line that I think is appropriate. Another "UN" word. This time it's "UNLESS". Because, as Dr. Seuss told us in the Lorax, "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

It's not.

Who was he? I don't know. I might never know. But you can bet your next paycheck that I care.

Grateful

Well, someone shouted through a parking lot today that it was time for an update.

Duly noted.

So what to write about? There's the repaired, yet still rotten economy, Senator Rand Paul's epic filibuster, the drone threat that produced it, maybe a tidbit from Southern history or culture...when all else fails there's always fart jokes...

How about gratitude? It's an overlooked virtue these days. I think it warrants a mention.

In the past few weeks, the loss of a comrade, the retirement of another, the achievement of a long-term career goal and the birth of a nephew have led me into opportunities for gratitude.

So many compliments, intentional and incidental, have found their way to me in the last few weeks. Seeing how very blessed I am with friends, family and vocation, I'm humbled and grateful.

For everyone that reads this, thank you. It means a lot to know that someone takes the time to enjoy (or torture themselves) with my handiwork.

While this one is short and sweet, trust me, I'm digging in cemeteries, old dusty libraries filled with banned books, nefarious websites, crowded public transportation contrivances, wooded areas inhabited by medicated sages and maybe even an outhouse or two to find something meaningful, funny, encouraging, disgusting or otherwise entertaining to scribble down for your reading pleasure or displeasure.

Thanks for coming along on this little journey.