Gentlemen

Observations.

As I have gotten older I have developed a habit, be it good or evil, to go through a cycle. First is to notice the faults in someone else and then to see how that fault reflects on my own life. It didn't show much in my earlier writings. Life has a way of changing us, Maturing us or breaking us down. Not sure which is happening to me yet but hopefully I have time to figure it out.

All that being said, something is eating at me.

Raised in the South, by Southerners, I was always instructed to be a gentleman. I was in college before I truly realized that the idea of a "gentleman" by strict definition implies a social order. I was not raised in the quasi-aristocratic class of the Southern Gentleman. That is not what I am trying to communicate. My definition is more about handling oneself with class, manners, civility. Specifics I remember growing up - opening a door for someone, especially a lady. If I was in a store with my mother and a lady dropped her keys, I was taught that it was only natural to pick them up for her. And I never sat in a chair if there was a single female person that was not seated, even in my own home.

Now I'm well aware of the women's lib movement. And I'm certainly not one of the chauvinist types. And the things I have mentioned are minor gestures, no doubt. But they are things I have tried to pass on to my sons. I've tried to set an example for them and I have to say that their strides in this area has made this dad proud.

But what is eating at me is the lack of such conduct in our society today. I was disturbed to see several instances while on vacation this past week.

The instances that bothered me most were young, able bodied men, in their 20s sitting in seats on the monorail while ladies, children and even elderly people stood. There was an instance I missed where my wife was run into by a young man, reportedly in his teens, who offered no apology, no acknowledgement, no anything.

But the proud moments were seeing my sons showing their gentlemanly side. They opened doors, offered "please", "thank you", "excuse me" and others. My sons stood on the platform until any ladies had entered the trains.

I don't expect some rebirth of chivalry. I'm not even asking for that. And to be honest, this has offered me an opportunity for self-examination. I see areas that need to be tweaked or rebuilt. It challenged me to consider my own shortcomings as a gentleman, as a husband, as a dad. Because we often detest qualities in others that we can find within ourselves and far too often that same sneer you send across the train can be found staring back at you from a mirror.

In the long run, the idea comes back to one simple truism that can be found, in some form, in all of the world's major religions. In mine it reads like this, "As you would that men would do unto you, do you even so unto them." It means I'm responsible for the way I act and the way my sons are taught to act. It means that I have to act first before expecting another to do the same. It means I have to set myself aside and be the example of the way a gentleman should behave. I still have work to do, no doubt - but I'm getting there. And my sons are getting there. And if three men become finer gentlemen than myself, that is a three-fold return on the investment.

Not too shabby. Regardless of how deteriorated the status of gentlemen has become, 1:3 is a ratio that gives me hope for the future.