So there we were, hunkered down in the drive through of the Wendy's at the corner of Buford Dr. and Buford Hwy in Buford. The fact that I used the word Buford three times in the same sentence is a pretty good indicator that this story has to be true. You can't make this stuff up. (It's a real location. Check Google Maps)
We were in a bit of a hurry as my lovely wife was participating in a special and important event and we were late. The boys and I were going to drop her off and head over to Buford Dam because we had heard that there was a place with "Dam Good Food" (You can't make that up either) and we were considering scoping out a fishing spot.
So we were trying to feed the lone lady in our travelling circus of Southern Culture. I was wondering what the hold up was when I heard that unmistakable voice call out at the microphone. Loucilla Pickens called out from the Chevrolet Beretta in front of us, "Yes...I got seven orders...". (And you didn't even know that Chevrolet made a fuchsia Beretta. I told you you can't make this stuff up.) Seven orders. What could they probably want?
"On my first order I want a small Frosty.and that's all."
"Ok, go ahead with your second order" replied the patient voice from inside.
"On the second order I want a large order of onion rangs..."
"Ma'am we don't have onion rings."
"Oh....Janeal, they ain't got no onion rangs...I don't know, Janeal...ok I'll ask 'em...hey, what kinda burger joint are y'all runnin up in here?"
And that. my friends was how we got caught up behind the Duchess of Paddlefoot, Ms. Janeal Picklesimer and her sidekick, Loucilla Pickens. Paddlefoot is the little place that Janeal calls home. She rents out apartments that used to be a fine motor lodge. Her husband, Carl (admit it, you thought I was going to say Buford) is a welder and a dang good one. He doesn't speak much but if you were married to one of the five women in Georgia that aren't afraid of a Waffle House waitress (except of course other Waffle House waitresses) you wouldn't speak much either.
Don't get me wrong, she's a sweet gal but if you get on her bad side you're gonna get cut.
I'm not sure what they were doing in Buford that afternoon but they obviously didn't need to be at a respectable establishment on South Lee Street in 15 minutes. I listened on in frustration while my younger companions snickered at such amazing questions like "Is there anythang smaller than small?" and "what kin I get for a dollar?" For those of you keeping score, the Wendy's at the corner of Buford and Buford in Buford also omits from their menu: corn dogs, chow-chow relish, BBQ goat and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And, no, they don't have peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches, either. If anything those two gals are persistent.
They finally left, for what I can only assume was a Randolph Mantooth fan club meeting, with a small frosty and a smaller-than-small bowl of chili.(I think the chili was a custom-made thing the manager concocted to get the dynamic duo out of her drive thru) The last thing I saw of them was Janeal flipping the ashes off the end of her Misty Ultra Light 120 and taking a swig off a one liter Diet Coke that she got from somewhere other than the Wendy's at the corner of Buford and Buford in Buford.
The good news is, the manager gave me 50% off my order and a sincere apology for the wait time.
50% off? did I mention how fond I am of Janeal and Loucilla?
Regardless, something tells me I haven't seen the last of that pair.
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